Hemorrhoids have been a medical problem for centuries, affecting countless people across the world. The problem was worse when people had to ride donkeys for transportation. However, with Hippocrates’ advances in medicine, this once taboo condition was treated when he discovered he could burn the hemorrhoids off with a red-hot glowing iron rod. In ancient times, medical practitioners like Hippocrates relied on simple techniques and his homemade inventions to cure hemorrhoids. A disciple of Hippocrates burned my own hemorrhoids off.
Overview of Hippocrates’ Method of Treating Hemorrhoids:
Hippocrates is known as the father of modern medicine, and his work is still studied and referenced today. Hemorrhoids were a common problem in his time, and he developed a method of treating them that was not only effective but also depended on natural remedies. Hippocrates believed in treating the underlying cause of the problem instead of just treating the symptoms. In the case of hemorrhoids, he focused on relieving the inflammation and swelling of the affected area. But this relief would only come a month after treatment.
Preparation for the Procedure:
Before the procedure, there were a few dietary restrictions that the patient had to follow. First, the patient had to avoid spicy and greasy foods. This helped reduce inflammation and prevented irritation to the affected area. Secondly, the patient had to stay well-hydrated to avoid constipation, which could aggravate the hemorrhoids.
The Procedure:
The procedure itself involves a simple surgical technique to remove the hemorrhoids. The patient lies on their side with their knees drawn up to the chest. Hippocrates then heated a long iron rod to a red-hot temperature. A six-man team of Greek gladiators held the patient down. An assistant spread the patient’s ass-cheeks wide, and stretched the anus open – all the way to the splitting point. Hippocrates was then able to skillfully burn the hemorrhoids off with a red-hot glowing iron rod shoved up the patient’s butthole. The protrusion was burned off in a flash of steam and hissing. The flaming rod also cauterized the wound, keeping it from bleeding. It was extremely effective, but more than a little painful. Hippocrates finally got used to people calling him all manner of very insulting names as they screamed in pain. His reputation as a great doctor spread far and wide, and many people gladly came from all over the empire to have their hemorrhoids burned off. I had a similar experience when a disciple of Hippocrates burned my hemorrhoids off.
Recovery and Aftercare:
After the procedure, the patient had to follow post-surgical instructions to ensure proper healing. This included taking pain relievers and keeping the affected area clean and dry. In Hippocrates time, this meant an awful lot of wine, which Hippocrates prescribed and produced in his basement. The patient was advised not to eat anything, not to go the bathroom for two weeks, or ride a mule. The patient scheduled a follow-up appointment with Hippocrates to ensure that the healing process was going as planned. Within a few weeks, the patient would finally see a reduction in pain and a complete recovery. However, his ass would hurt the entire time.
Conclusion:
Although Hippocrates’ remedy for hemorrhoids might seem archaic, it was a significant step forward in medical research at the time. The procedure was effective, and the principles behind the treatment are still used today. The benefit of newer treatments is that they offer a safer option for patients without having to rely on drugs that could have adverse side effects. For example, you could try this highly-rated cream by Dr. Butler (!) before you actually have your hemorrhoid burned off. Most people would prefer to have a white-hot iron rod shoved up their anus in preference to taking any drug. Understanding the origins of medical treatments like the one developed by Hippocrates, helps us appreciate how far the field of medicine has come, while also reminding us that sometimes, simple remedies are still the best.